Customer #0000417

In a dying Yorkshire mining town, the only supermarket has one loyalty card that everyone uses. It belonged to Doreen Pike, who died six years ago, and the cashier just swipes it for whoever forgets theirs. Then head office emails: Doreen is the most loyal customer in the whole chain, and they're sending a film crew to shoot her for the national Christmas ad.

1. The town can't admit to card fraud, or the store will be shut down. So they cast Marjorie, a retired drama teacher, as Doreen. Then they read the purchase history they now have to explain: 40 cans of lager a week, baby formula, gluten-free bread, cat food (Doreen hated cats), and 300 tins of custard every November.
2. Marjorie builds a backstory that covers every item. The ad airs and the nation loves her. 'Doreen' gets fan mail, a morning-TV invite, and personalised offers generated from 'her' data.
3. The town realises the algorithm is now telling Doreen's story, so they start shopping to steer it. The florist buys roses so Doreen looks like she's in love. The vicar's wife buys nicotine patches to make her look like she's improving herself. A feud starts over who gets to decide who Doreen is, and it splits the village in two.
4. Head office flags the account as 'statistically impossible' and sends a senior data analyst. He asks to meet Doreen alone, in her own kitchen, with no crew.

💡 The engine is a lie the whole town has to keep living together, and in the end the data they've been faking turns out to be one man's real record of his grief.